Monosyllabic Pedantry

Monday, November 07, 2005

Old Man Disease

Maybe it's a bad idea to start off the blog with a big, whiney cryfest, but what the heck. It's supposed to be reasonably current event-ish, right?
The main current event is that my stupid gout has sprung up. I know, add your favorite pirate immitation "Arrggghh" here.
The short version is that it's ALSO called hyperuricemia and it's basically when your blood is too acidic. If it's acidic enough, then uric acid salts fall out of solution and crystalize in the joints of your foot, much like that candy crystal experiment we did in science class. Having needle-shaped crystals in your joints is roughly the equivalent of chewing broken glass. Fortunately, it only (!) takes my blood a few days to get back to normal, so it's not enough for me to learn anything or change my lifestyle.
A big contributor is beer and bar food, and I have been known to tip the occasional lager. I can fall off the wagon without limping, most of the time, but if said wagon is rolling downhill, and it takes me a while to hop back on, I pay the piper. That's what's happened these past few Halloweens; I end up drinking for three solid day, then pay for it for about a week.
I may just be feeling empathy pains for my dog, Zachary. About 6 weeks ago, Zachary quit using one of his back legs. He'd hop around on three until I took him to vet and found out that he may have "football knee". I didn't know he could operate the doorknob, let alone organize enough local dogs for a game. Zachary is 8.5 years old; no spring chicken, but not with one paw in the grave either. I've got him on the same anti-inflammatories that I'm taking. So long as he's on his meds, he's fine. The vet tells me that, if they have to operate on him, it'll be over $1000. Please pray to the flying spaghetti monster that it's not a torn ligament. I've been spoiling him with eggs and rice and ice cream, so his cholesterol may do him in first.


  • You will both have to be put down.

    I went to see Maggie over the weekend. Blind in one eye (cataracts) and terribly incontinent. How long before she "accidentally" escapes and gets hit by a truck.
    I'm giving Marla two weeks of cleaning dog pee off the new carpets before Maggie winds up in the doggie incinerator.

    By Anonymous Sarcastro, at 5:01 PM  

  • Yes, one of my redneck coworkers, who has a thing with guns and killing, has offered to let Zachary live on his farm in Cleveland GA for the rest of his days. He hasn't specified how long "the rest of his days" may be.

    By Blogger Exador, at 5:05 PM  

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