Monosyllabic Pedantry

Friday, November 19, 2010

A man's best friend

Gentlemen of the jury: The best friend a man has in this world may turn against him and become his enemy. His son or daughter that he has reared with loving care may prove ungrateful. Those who are nearest and dearest to us, those whom we trust with our happiness and our good name, may become traitors to their faith. The money that a man has, he may lose. It flies away from him, perhaps when he needs it the most. A man’s reputation may be sacrificed in a moment of ill-considered action. The people who are prone to fall on their knees to do us honor when success is with us may be the first to throw the stone of malice when failure settles its cloud upon our heads. The one absolutely unselfish friend that a man can have in this selfish world, the one that never deserts him and the one that never proves ungrateful or treacherous is his dog.

Gentlemen of the jury: A man’s dog stands by him in prosperity and in poverty, in health and in sickness. He will sleep on the cold ground, where the wintry winds blow and the snow drives fiercely, if only he may be near his master’s side. He will kiss the hand that has no food to offer, he will lick the wounds and sores that come in encounters with the roughness of the world. He guards the sleep of his pauper master as if he were a prince. When all other friends desert, he remains. When riches take wings and reputation falls to pieces, he is as constant in his love as the sun in its journey through the heavens.

If fortune drives the master forth an outcast in the world, friendless and homeless, the faithful dog asks no higher privilege than that of accompanying him to guard against danger, to fight against his enemies, and when the last scene of all comes, and death takes the master in its embrace and his body is laid away in the cold ground, no matter if all other friends pursue their way, there by his graveside will the noble dog be found, his head between his paws, his eyes sad but open in alert watchfulness, faithful and true even to death.

George Graham Vest 1869


Thursday, July 01, 2010

I’m really tired of having politicians who are complete fucking nerds. American politicians used to be so cool. Andrew Jackson killed at least 13 people in duels and when an attempted assassin walked up to him with a gun in each hand, Jackson nearly beat him to death with a stick. George Washington was a fucking giant, and Indians called him the “Devourer of Villages.” Theodore Roosevelt carried a gun at all times, boxed and practiced jiu jitsu, and by that I mean while he was President, inside the White House. Why jiu jitsu? Well because it’s “meant for practice in killing or disabling our adversary” of course, or at least that’s what the dangerous lunatic wrote in this letter.

Flash forward to today and Al Gore can’t even attempt to get a handjob without fucking it up beyond all comprehension. What are the odds he can even throw a football without looking like a complete queer. God this is so humiliating.

h/t Here

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Monday, June 21, 2010

Comcast sucks

Our internet and tv has been out SINCE LAST TUESDAY. We have called and/or live-chatted with Comcast every day about it. Every day, they said it would be 24 hrs. This morning, I called them and after telling them that we've been out that long, I was told that the outage was cleared last thursday. Then I was left on hold for 22 minutes. When a different girl finally picked up, I asked for a supervisor. That girl set up a tech to come out one WEDNESDAY while we waited for the supervisor. AFter ten more minutes, I finally had to give up because I had to get back to work.

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Saturday, June 12, 2010

That was Wierd

I went for a bike ride this morning. An asian man flagged me down. He couldn't speak any English. After a long back and forth, I finally figured that he was asking me if I was Bosnian. He then told me that there are a lot of Bosnians in Suwanee and he was looking for a Bosnian restaurant. When I told him I didn't know of one, he pointed to my black t-shirt and said, "What Do?" Back and forth, and I figured out that he saw a dog hair on my shirt. "What dog?". I told him Beagle, and he asked if they are big or small, then he asked me how many pounds. As soon as I told him, he said Thank You and turned his back and walked away.

If he had gotten closer to me, I would have checked my pockets.


Saturday, June 05, 2010

Fried Chicken Giveaway Leads to Atlanta Riot

From the AJC

One movie-goer said free chicken sandwiches may had contributed to the brawl.

"It was an absolute mob scene, from the Chick-fil-A girls getting mobbed trying to hand out free sandwiches to the complete lack of respect for the people watching the movie," said Marc Freund.

The jokes write themselves.

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Monday, May 31, 2010

Thanks, dumbass government

Our brilliant county government has decided that having multiple, private garbage collection companies for residents to choose from, was inequitable, so it decided to take over trash collection, starting July 1st.
The cost of trash collection will be added to our property taxes, with the first 18 months of collection to be paid up front.

First, there are many people who do not need weekly trash collection. We just barely need it because there is a free trash drop off site on my way to work. I could easily bring my trash there, if I wasn't so lazy. There are many people; the elderly, single people, who just don't generate that much trash. My brother in law saves money by having a deal with his neighbor, where he brings his one bag of trash to their bin.

The second consequence is this: Mrs S forgot to bring our bin to the curb in time for pickup this week. So she called our current service to ask them to pick it up later in the week when they are in the area. We have had to do this in the past and they have been accommodating.
Not so much now. They know they have received the last payment from us they are ever going to get, so they basically told her to go pound sand.

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Friday, May 21, 2010

Lessons Learned

1) Never go out on a Thursday, when you have to work on Friday.

2) When the insanely hot teenage waitress proceeds to take your empty plate away, and your wife asks, "Do you want to lick it?", just say, "No".


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