Monosyllabic Pedantry

Sunday, March 19, 2006

The Penitent Man

I want to start this post by pointing out that Spring Purification has begun. I drank a couple of Sam Adams on the 4 hour drive from Nashville to Atlanta; that was the last of the booze. I take comfort in knowing that I'm just giving up booze. Sarcastro is giving up booze and tobacco. Pity him.

I would next like to apologize unreservedly to the multitude of people in the greater Nashville area that I offended this weekend.

Of course, at the top of the list is Sarcastro. I'm sorry I gave you a limp and split your ear, and threw up all over the side of your truck, while stuck in rush hour traffic. (Although you did bounce my head off your dash board, twice, so I think we're even)

I apologize to the people beeping their horns at me while I was throwing up on I-440, or where ever. Sorry you were forced to witness that.

I apologize to the entire client base of whatever bar we were at on friday, especially to the guy whose personal darts I so haphazardly flung, and to the Jim Beam girls who may not have appreciated my appreciation of their assets. Ladies, I was only trying to be complimentary.
Believe me, when Sarcastro takes you outside and says, "We need to leave here now", it's time to go.

I apologize to the nice people at the swanky restaurant for not having us thrown out, or arrested. There's a time and place for that level of humor and volume and certainly that place was not where I was.

I apologize to Sarcastro's Sugar Momma, who could not have been more cordial, or patient. You only have one chance to make a first impression, and I have nowhere to go but up.

I apologize to Aunt B for whatever I may have said during the phone call that Sarcastro says we had.

If I missed anybody, don't be offended. There are still a lot of blank spots from the weekend.


  • Aw, shucks. Does that mean you don't think I'd make a good phone sex operator? Because I was really digging that idea.

    By Blogger Aunt B, at 4:31 AM  

  • I'm sure you sounded really sexy.
    If only I could remember any of the conversation.

    By Blogger Exador, at 5:10 AM  

  • Dammit, you've ripped off the template I had for my roundup of the weekend. My post was going to be a long list of all the people I needed to apologize to.
    To be fair, it is more appropriate coming from you.

    By Anonymous Sarcastro, at 7:29 AM  

  • No, I didn't say anything particularly sexy, since I was busy laughing at you complaining about being thrown into the dash. I was trying to talk you into putting your seatbelt on when you announced that I had a sexy voice and could make some money working for a phone sex line.

    If I do, I'll just keep in mind that I'm at my sexiest when I'm advocating automobile safety.

    By Blogger Aunt B, at 7:50 AM  

  • Sadly for you, Sarcastro, your flesh-based persona knows everyone in town. You have all those people I don't know, who pointed at me on Saturday and just said "You. Were something else yesterday.", to apologize to.

    By Blogger Exador, at 8:43 AM  

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