The Great Diamond Ripoff
I'm of the opinion that diamonds are a huge ripoff. When we got married, I got Mrs Schwartz an engagement band, then we decided that it was idiotic to spend tons of money on a useless, shiny rock, so we got a fake diamond for the wedding ring.
Those of you who have spent more than a few days with a woman know where this is going.
No sooner were we back from the honeymoon, then Mrs Schwartz started whining about how everybody has a big, beautiful diamond, but her. Even good, fake diamonds don't hold their sparkle over time; they get dull-looking.
I was steadfast; diamonds are a stupid waste of money. I could buy a car for what most people spend on a stupid rock that does nothing.
When we hit our 5th anniversary, she jacked up the nagging. I responded that I didn't mind blowing money, but I'll be damned to blow it on a stupid rock, who's only considerable value was dictated by the industry that's selling it to you. How moronic is that?
I [happily] bought her an antique piano. We now have a century-old piano, that neither of us can play. Ya know what? I like that piano. We have a couple of friends that CAN play. When they come over, we have a great time. No regrets.
Well, we've worked out a bunch of bad history recently. Our marriage is stronger because of it. The future is bright. In a moment of emotion and weakness, I said that, hell, I guess it's time we got you a wedding ring. Well, she's clamped down on that like a pitbull with lockjaw.
There's no going back. We went diamond shopping yesterday. Honestly, it's killing me to fork over this much cash for something worthless.
All I'm thinking is that I could get a new washer, dryer, stove, and cabinets, for what I'm blowing on this stupid rock.
UPDATE: WooHoo! She has decided that she wants to wear a family heirloom instead. She previously didn't like the design (probably still doesn't), but she has decided to go with that. The best part is that I didn't say a word about it; she decided on her own.
Those of you who have spent more than a few days with a woman know where this is going.
No sooner were we back from the honeymoon, then Mrs Schwartz started whining about how everybody has a big, beautiful diamond, but her. Even good, fake diamonds don't hold their sparkle over time; they get dull-looking.
I was steadfast; diamonds are a stupid waste of money. I could buy a car for what most people spend on a stupid rock that does nothing.
When we hit our 5th anniversary, she jacked up the nagging. I responded that I didn't mind blowing money, but I'll be damned to blow it on a stupid rock, who's only considerable value was dictated by the industry that's selling it to you. How moronic is that?
I [happily] bought her an antique piano. We now have a century-old piano, that neither of us can play. Ya know what? I like that piano. We have a couple of friends that CAN play. When they come over, we have a great time. No regrets.
Well, we've worked out a bunch of bad history recently. Our marriage is stronger because of it. The future is bright. In a moment of emotion and weakness, I said that, hell, I guess it's time we got you a wedding ring. Well, she's clamped down on that like a pitbull with lockjaw.
There's no going back. We went diamond shopping yesterday. Honestly, it's killing me to fork over this much cash for something worthless.
All I'm thinking is that I could get a new washer, dryer, stove, and cabinets, for what I'm blowing on this stupid rock.
UPDATE: WooHoo! She has decided that she wants to wear a family heirloom instead. She previously didn't like the design (probably still doesn't), but she has decided to go with that. The best part is that I didn't say a word about it; she decided on her own.
posted by Exador at
3:22 PM
8 Comments:
Sucker.
The MRS. listened to my anti-diamond rant, agreed that buying diamonds may be morally wrong and economically stupid, and went out and bought herself a wedding ring anyway.
I wash my hands of the whole deal.
By
Sarcastro, at 5:30 PM
Dude, they are not worthless. If something happens, you can count on getting at LEAST $5 - $7 at a pawn shop for every $100 you spend now.
Now that's some ROI.
By
Nashville Knucklehead, at 5:55 AM
I agree 100%. Maybe we could start a movement...
By
Vic, at 10:50 AM
You are supposed to know each other BEFORE you get married.
No excuse.
Your dick is your head and your head is your dick.
I dare you to dump her and rejoin the singles world. I betcha one of those patchouli smelling G8 hippies would forgo a ring. And she may swing both ways too.
By
Anonymous, at 11:19 AM
Hey, now, leave us patchouli smelling G8 hippies out of this.
By
Aunt B, at 12:09 PM
Anonymous,
Are you trying to free me up for yourself.
You rascal.
By
Exador, at 12:16 PM
Another point of agreement between us. I don't own or want a diamond -- we both thought they were economically dumb, politically bad, etc and we never really have reconsidered. Figuring that both sets of parents would freak if we didn't have an engagement ring, we went halfsies on a small Brazilian sapphire; the whole shebang (stone, mount, labor, and both wedding rings thrown in by the artisan who did the work) cost a little under $400, which was still a ton of money for a couple in grad school.
Glad to hear that things are going so well. If this is all you have to bitch about, you're a lucky man.
-- bridgett
By
Anonymous, at 7:47 PM
I've never ever wanted one of those real fancy-schmancy rings. I guess I'm old-fashioned, I like the simple solitaires... which my mother's engagement ring just happens to be. Being divorced many years, she no longer wears it.
I'd rather have a different metal for the ring itself, but I'd be perfectly happy with the diamond, so I'm kinda hoping when the time comes she might offer it up to him rather than him buying some new one. Guess we'll see.
By
Lynnster, at 7:50 PM
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