My Very Own Goofball
Marriage can be difficult. Case in point:
Like most commuters, I have my commute-time down to the minute. This morning, I was getting ready to leave the house, when I discovered that I could not find my keys. I started searching. This eventually evolved into tearing the house apart, because I really can not find my keys. It's getting late. I have an emergency truck key and an emergency key to the back door, so I put those together, and lead Zachary out the back door and around the house.
My keys are sitting on a garbage can in the driveway.
That's wierd. How the hell did they get there? Now I'm late, AND because my schedule is off, I get stuck behind the schoolbus that has to stop at every fucking house because the little darlings can't be expected to congregate at a bus stop for heaven's sake.
No sooner do I hit the intererstate, then my phone rings.
Mrs Schwartz: Where have you been? I've been trying to call you all morning.
Exador: My phone was in my truck.
Mrs Schwartz: Did you find your keys?
Exador: Yes, after I tore the house apart. How did they get in the driveway?
Mrs Schwartz: That spider moved his web from the front of the bush to right by the steps.
Exador:What?!
Mrs Schwartz: I accidentally took your keys with mine to my car, but I couldn't go back because the spider was there by the door and he'd get me.
Exador: You somehow made it past him to get to the driveway.
Mrs Schwartz: Yes, but I held my purse out in front of me, and on the way back I would have had to look at him in all eight of his eyes.
Exador: I'm going to kill you.
Mrs Schwartz: I looooovvve youuuuuu.
Like most commuters, I have my commute-time down to the minute. This morning, I was getting ready to leave the house, when I discovered that I could not find my keys. I started searching. This eventually evolved into tearing the house apart, because I really can not find my keys. It's getting late. I have an emergency truck key and an emergency key to the back door, so I put those together, and lead Zachary out the back door and around the house.
My keys are sitting on a garbage can in the driveway.
That's wierd. How the hell did they get there? Now I'm late, AND because my schedule is off, I get stuck behind the schoolbus that has to stop at every fucking house because the little darlings can't be expected to congregate at a bus stop for heaven's sake.
No sooner do I hit the intererstate, then my phone rings.
Mrs Schwartz: Where have you been? I've been trying to call you all morning.
Exador: My phone was in my truck.
Mrs Schwartz: Did you find your keys?
Exador: Yes, after I tore the house apart. How did they get in the driveway?
Mrs Schwartz: That spider moved his web from the front of the bush to right by the steps.
Exador:What?!
Mrs Schwartz: I accidentally took your keys with mine to my car, but I couldn't go back because the spider was there by the door and he'd get me.
Exador: You somehow made it past him to get to the driveway.
Mrs Schwartz: Yes, but I held my purse out in front of me, and on the way back I would have had to look at him in all eight of his eyes.
Exador: I'm going to kill you.
Mrs Schwartz: I looooovvve youuuuuu.
Labels: goofy fun, Suburban life
posted by Exador at
9:05 AM
2 Comments:
If you had a dollar for everyone of those Mrs. Schwartz stories over the years, you wouldn't have to work.
By
Sarcastro, at 7:32 AM
This is hilarious!
I came across your post on Nashville is Talking. I'm glad I did, I now have your blog bookmarked.
Also, I wanted to let you know, since you don't have trackbacks, I did a post about it on my blog, with a link to your post and another post I found hilarious. I hope you don't mind.
By
Anonymous, at 6:52 PM
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