I’m really tired of having politicians who are complete fucking nerds. American politicians used to be so cool. Andrew Jackson killed at least 13 people in duels and when an attempted assassin walked up to him with a gun in each hand, Jackson nearly beat him to death with a stick. George Washington was a fucking giant, and Indians called him the “Devourer of Villages.” Theodore Roosevelt carried a gun at all times, boxed and practiced jiu jitsu, and by that I mean while he was President, inside the White House. Why jiu jitsu? Well because it’s “meant for practice in killing or disabling our adversary” of course, or at least that’s what the dangerous lunatic wrote in this letter.

Flash forward to today and Al Gore can’t even attempt to get a handjob without fucking it up beyond all comprehension. What are the odds he can even throw a football without looking like a complete queer. God this is so humiliating.

h/t Here

Labrador Body Skiing

Lazy, but Inventive

I discovered that the hot water heater has a very slow leak in the pipe. Repairing it involves disconnecting the plastic compression parts, borrowing the torch from my boss, and resoldering the connection. Orrrrrr.....

Happy Saint Pat's

HAA Ha! This is why we moved

See the part that says, PARALYZING BLIZZARD? We used to live in the middle of that!

Update! Ha! Ha!

For Valentine's Day

Walmart

Is there any place in the world more inspiring to make you want to kill your fellow human being?

I submit there is not.

Need Some Polka?

The Missus is half Polish and half Czech, so polka's in her blood. She grew up going to Happy Louie's Polka Review.
So I found a website that allows us to have polka any time "we" want.

The Polka Jammer Network!

Ming the Mercilous

Now, you shall die, Flash Gordon

Yelling at the TV

There are some people who yell at the TV during football games. Around this house, my wife yells at the Eukenuba Championships.

"What kind of stupid dog is that!?"

"Why would anybody get a dog like that!?"

"That's just silly!"

"Ohhhhhh. Look at that!"

"What a beautiful dog"

Damn! That's my Problem!

Wonderful Pendants

While shopping today, we were exposed to the extensive pendant collection available from JCPenney. I invite anyone to explore their selection here.

My favorite?

Somebody got Fired

This is not photo-shopped. This is the real January cover of Golf Digest.

Xmas Comes Early

I can't believe I've become one of those people.

Mrs Schwartz insists that Susan is always shivering cold when she comes in from the backyard. Amidst her relentless nagging, we went to Petsmart yesterday and bought Susan a sweater.

Xmas in Gainesville

Our Neighbors must hate us

OK, that's just wierd

A Bald Bear

They All Say They're Innocent

FG Friday

Growing Boobs Barbie

You have to twist her arm to see her boobs! HA! Get it!?