Dear Dumbasses

I took the girls for a walk last night. We went through downtown Duluth. There was a wedding reception going on at the square. As we passed by, Janet found a piece of chicken that someone had thrown away. I'm not sure how much of it she ate before I could get it out of her mouth.
She started throwing up around midnight. Mrs Schwartz got it into her head that I should have a nice weekend, since I took Friday off. She volunteered to take Janet downstairs and keep an eye on her. I was half asleep, so I don't know what we said.
It turns out that Janet was sick all night. At 6AM, a beaten Mrs Schwartz came into the bedroom and announced that she couldn't do it any longer. We high-fived as I took Janet back downstairs and the Missus fell into bed.
I'll make deal with you baby-spewing assclowns; you don't leave food lying around the park, and I won't leave psilocybin lollipops for your brats to pick up. Deal?

I'd like to take this time to submit that we change the state law. Since the police have seen fit to completely ignore the county noise ordinance, how about we make it legal for me to shoot at anyone who drives through my neighborhood at 1AM with a loud sound system or exhaust? While we're at it, it would make sense to legalize silencers.

Anybody know where I can get a .223 with a threaded muzzle?