Monosyllabic Pedantry

Thursday, December 01, 2005

My biggest pet peeve

This morning, I was running late for work. I've got my commute calculated down to the minute and I was running five minutes late. That means I get stuck behind the dreaded schoolbus. Having to stop behind schoolbuses is not the problem. What throws me into a frenzy is how unbearably slow the fucking kids are to get on the bus.
Point one: Why does every kid get his own fucking bus stop? When I was growing up, the whole neighborhood had to meet up at the only bus stop for a mile. For some reason it moved around, from year to year. There were some years that it was 300 yards away. No one bitched about this.
Now, or when the weather was warmer, ever yuppie larva would stand alone in their driveway and wait for the bus. Sometimes, this was the case for adjacent houses. There'd be the kids, 25 feet apart, not talking to each other.
Now that it's winter, the fucktard parents couldn't dream of little Lord Fauntleroy getting cold, so they keep the kids in the house. When the bus arrives, the kid slowly walks out to it. Hey you little Bastard, there are 40 fucking cars waiting to take people to real jobs. How about you pick it up a little? You really can't blame the kids. It's the fucktard parents. What chowderheads.
Back when the weather was warmer, I'd see the moms standing out there with their spawn. Invariably, they'd wait 50 ft from the curb, apparently afraid a drunk driver might come careening by and jump into their yard and end their bloodline. This would drive me insane. They'd hold little Branson back until the bus came to a stop. They'd release him and then watch with glee as he meandered his way to the bus. This is why I drive with my windows up. So people can't hear me screaming and cursing at them to MOVE IT ALREADY.
I suppose I should remind myself that at least these parents a putting their kids on a bus. That puts them head and shoulders above the utter no-better-way-to-not-prepare-my-kid-for-life parents that drive their ankle biter in to the school themselves.


  • Thankfully I'm not on the road during school times much, but a few weeks ago I had an early morning appointment. I was flabbergasted to see the bus stop at one house, load up one tubby-assed kid and then pull fifteen feet forward for the next tubby kid.

    I said something to Tim about how when I was a kid I had to walk a WHOLE 100 YARDS to the common area to catch the bus.

    But none of this even approaches my real pet peeve of the


    We've got a 15mile/hr school zone between our house and the best grocery store, and for some reason I invariably end up having to drive home from Publix through the damned school zone. I can be going 10mph--30% UNDER the posted limit and have the frumpy orange-vested whistling tyrant chirp at me with her whistle and make the "slow down" signal by pressing her hand up and down.
    If she sees a kid who is fifty yards away from the corner, she will stop traffic. We all have to sit there and wait for the kid to meander up to the stop. Usually he's jabbering with his friends or listening to an iPod, so it takes awhile. Then we wait for him to cross. I've sat, stopped in that intersection, for as long as 15 minutes while she waits for kids who are speckles on the horizon to reach the corner and cross.

    By Blogger Kat Coble, at 7:47 AM  

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