Monosyllabic Pedantry

Thursday, November 24, 2005

OK, I fell off the wagon

Allright, look. The whole reason I went on this purge was to get rid of the gout, right? The main cause of the gout is brewer's yeast, so as long as I don't drink beer, it's not so bad.
That's, my story and I'm sticking to it.
Mrs Schwartz came over and cooked me a ham, which was very nice, and delicious. She soon fell asleep on the couch, which she does a lot. There's been talk that she's narcoleptic.
So there I was, watching Return of the Living Dead III, which I've seen twice already. And I'm sober. I can't go anywhere because nothing is open. I couldn't take it anymore. I started by drinking some of the white wine that she brought over. After I killed that bottle, I went out for a run. I had not bought any booze in advance because (all together now) I quit drinking! (Fuck off)
I went to Publix, then to my two local booze emporiums, all of which were closed. I then went to Walmart; score one for the MAN! Walmart is open. I got two bottles of wine, some chips and dip, a pumpkin pie, and Kool Whip. We all had pie. I gave Montgomery and Zachary each a dollup(?) of Kool Whip in a bowl. They loved it. For the dog owners out there, I recommend freezing Kool Whip and serving it to dogs. Mine wasn't frozen, so the boys got through it pretty quickly. Mrs Schwartz was very appreciative of her pie and Kool Whip, then fell asleep again.

Now I'm watching a History Channel show on the Spanish American war. I think I may start reading The Chronicles of Narnia. I got it a few days ago. I've never read it and the movie ads looked good.

Oh yeah, I have to go shopping tomorrow! I know, I'd rather open a vein than get into that melee, but I need a hard drive. I finally convinced my boss that my computer sucks. He let me get the parts for a new one and I just finished building it. It's smoking.

For the geeks: It's got a 3.4 GHz, Pentium 4, Xeon, dual core processor with hyperthreading, an 800 MHz front side bus, 1 GB of 533 DDR2 RAM, and 1 MB of L2 cache.

Smoking fast!

Like I'm not gonna drink once Sarcastro gets here?

4 Comments:

  • I need to buy a pair of pants while this shopping is going on. Just a pair of slacks. I forgot my golfin' pants during the packing of the bags.

    Mrs Schwartz. Nice.

    By Anonymous Sarcastro, at 7:17 PM  

  • Plus, I got in an argument yesterday with one of your gout brothers. He claimed, as an alky would, that booze and diet don't cause the gout. His doctor told him so. He claims that is from too much uric acid fucking up the kidneys, etc. I said, "You don't think that beer would impact that, at all?"
    He made all sorts of claims that he had no backup for, so I quit listening.

    By Anonymous Sarcastro, at 7:21 PM  

  • Tell him to try Google.

    Metabolyzing certain foods releases something called purines. It is these purines that cause your uric acid level to be high. Some foods are worse than others. Organ foods are really bad (brain, liver, heart, kidneys). Lean beef is mid-level ok.
    Alcohol inhibits the blood's ability to remove purines from the blood.
    One of the highest purines concentrates is in brewers' yeast. That's why beer is doubley bad. You get tons of purines + alcohol.

    Like heart disease, there's a hereditary component as well, but the diet is an equally contributive part.

    The uric acid levels get high enough that a salt falls out of solution and crystalizes (they're needle-shaped) in the lowest major joint in your body, generally your big toe.
    Simple gravity.

    By Blogger Exador, at 7:40 PM  

  • As a person with chronic kidney disease I promise you that the shit from alcohol, meats and rich foods is murder on a sick kidney.

    That doesn't stop them ALL from being deadly delicious. But it does stop me from drinking beer, aka "one-way ticket to the E.R."

    Come to think of it, whenever I go to the ER I get morphine. So maybe I should drink the beer. That'd be like "10'll get you 20." The ultimate trade up.

    Heh.

    By Blogger Kat Coble, at 2:33 PM  

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