Bush's other ideas

I'm shamelessly stealing from Iowahawk, just because it's that funny.

BUSH INKS IRISH FIRM TO GUARD NATIONAL WHISKEY RESERVE

Washington DC - The Bush Administration today angrily defended its controversial approval of the Irish company Donnybrook Lads Ltd. to oversee security at the National Strategic Whiskey Reserve in Lynchburg, TN, vowing to veto a new House bill that would force the two-man firm to undergo federal breathalizer testing.

"During the rigorous 7 minute review process, both Seamus and Kevin gave us an express oral promise that they never touch the stuff," said White House Spokesman Scott McClelland. "Well, maybe just a wee nip at wakes, and on All Saints Day."

"Congressional postering on this issue plays into the worst anti-Irish stereotypes," added McClelland, who said that the security contract included a failsafe Designated Driver clause to keep the Irish firm away from sensitive whiskey truck keys.

"We can reassure the American people that all Strategic Whiskey Reserve transportation and driving duties will be handled by highly-skilled elderly Koreans," said McClelland.