Monosyllabic Pedantry

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Bush's other ideas

I'm shamelessly stealing from Iowahawk, just because it's that funny.


Washington DC - The Bush Administration today angrily defended its controversial approval of the Irish company Donnybrook Lads Ltd. to oversee security at the National Strategic Whiskey Reserve in Lynchburg, TN, vowing to veto a new House bill that would force the two-man firm to undergo federal breathalizer testing.

"During the rigorous 7 minute review process, both Seamus and Kevin gave us an express oral promise that they never touch the stuff," said White House Spokesman Scott McClelland. "Well, maybe just a wee nip at wakes, and on All Saints Day."

"Congressional postering on this issue plays into the worst anti-Irish stereotypes," added McClelland, who said that the security contract included a failsafe Designated Driver clause to keep the Irish firm away from sensitive whiskey truck keys.

"We can reassure the American people that all Strategic Whiskey Reserve transportation and driving duties will be handled by highly-skilled elderly Koreans," said McClelland.


  • Have you ever been to Lynchburg? Even a good Irish lad would have to drink if he lived there. There's nothing else to do.

    By Blogger W, at 5:24 AM  

  • Isn't it a dry county? How hypocritical is that?

    By Blogger Exador, at 6:10 AM  

  • I don't think it's hypocritical at all. If I made liquor I sure wouldn't want anyone else selling their competition right down the road. Stroke of JD's genius in my opinion.

    By Blogger Kat Coble, at 8:59 AM  

  • Kat,

    And you're the libertarian, right?

    By Blogger Exador, at 9:50 AM  

  • This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 10:07 AM  

  • Yep.

    I'm also the teetotaller.

    How I live with myself I have no idea.

    Seriously, the idea of a dry county at all is idiotic. But I don't think it's hypocritical of JD to use the idiotic law to their favour.

    Just in the same way that I don't think it's hypocritical of pot growers to use the current anti-pot laws as a foundation for turning a heavy profit when selling plant byproducts.

    Or for hookers to charge fat fees when servicing clients in Vatican City.

    By Blogger Kat Coble, at 1:58 PM  

  • But pot growers and hookers didn't lobby to make their trade illegal, as I suspect JD did.

    They just capitalized on a current law.

    By Blogger Exador, at 5:48 PM  

  • "Teetotaller"?

    Is that where your driver hits a little below the ball and snaps the tee in half?

    Is it too early for a beer?

    By Blogger Nashville Knucklehead, at 6:27 AM  

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