Monosyllabic Pedantry

Saturday, July 01, 2006

Operator, I'll have another

Cell Phone Flask

In honor of the holiday weekend, I bring you a University of Utah study that says that drivers who talk on cellphones are just as dangerous as those who drink. Drivers using hands-free phones are no better.

Cellular industry officials say it's unfair to single out phones, "I think there are just a multitude of distractions that are out there," John Walls said. "And by focusing on just one, you're creating a false sense of security among people."

Right you are, John! So why do we single out drinking?

Georgia has a little marketing jihad they break out every year. They do a blitz of ads, where they say they have "ZERO TOLERANCE" for drinking and driving. "IF YOU DRINK, YOU WILL GO TO JAIL".
I hate these ads. For one, they make no distinction between getting blind drunk and having a beer or two with dinner.

It's a wonderful example of how DUI, or rather ANTI-DUI, has become a religion.

I remember talking to a girl, who was maybe 18. She told me how if she had "even one drink" she "wouldn't even think about driving". This is stupid. It shows that the propaganda is working, especially in the schools. No, you shouldn't get loaded, or even a little buzzed, and go for a drive; however, it's silly to freak out about one drink, especially if it takes ten drinks for you to feel any effects.

My biggest problem with this new religion is the demonization of alcohol over other distractions.

If you plow into a family, and it's found that you have a BAC of 0.005, you are a murderer and will go to jail forever. If you kill the same family because you were dialing your phone, or applying mascara, or reading the newspaper, well, accidents happen. Here's your ticket. You have the option of mailing it in.

That's just stupid.

One of the best propaganda campaigns for this is the multitude of "Police Chase", "COPS", type shows. They always show the dui perps as being so-blind-drunk-I-can't-see-or-stand. Of course these guys should go to jail. What they don't show is the guy who goes through a roadblock, speaks without slurring, and generally handles himself, despite having a couple of drinks. These guys get arrested too, especially during the big holiday crack downs.

Remember, Zero Tolerance.


  • I just had a brilliant idea. A cell phone that also has a tube attached near the mouthpiece that leads to your drink, so after you speak, you can guzzle your gin and juice while listening, leaving one hand free to steer and signal and change the radio and scratch.

    By Blogger Nashville Knucklehead, at 12:28 PM  

  • Knuck, that's brilliant! We've all seen the binoculars-flask. This is even better because you can take a drink without worrying about someone seeing you and ratting you out.

    By Blogger Exador, at 4:28 AM  

  • how about DAMADD, Drunks Against Mothers Against Drunk Driving

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 6:43 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home

counter stats