Bless Her Heart

My front yard is at the lower end of a long slope. When it rains, parts of my yard will stay wet for days afterwards. Because of this, I know that I need to mow my lawn before rainstorms, since I don't know how long it will be before I'll be able to mow it again.
Last weekend, we were forcast for rain on Sunday. I went out to mow, and Mrs Schwartz, as always, was telling me to let it go; she would mow the lawn later in the week. In the past, this was a hollow offer, because there was no way she could start the mower. Now that it's tuned up, she could do it. I have a self-propelled, walk-behind mower.
She put it off. After some nagging, she attempted to mow it on Tuesday. I get this email:

OK, So I'm having a heart attack trying to mow the lawn. There are dips, drops, hills, etc. So this nice mexican guy walks by and says, "may I please help you? Your face is so red! I can help".

So he goes up the hill towards the house and says, "this is by far the worst lawnmower ever" So i told him I asked you to buy a real lawnmower and he said that he has worked on lawns for over 12 years and never did he use such a crappy mower. Why not buy a good lawnmower? You have to mow all the time right?

I told him I promised you I'd mow the lawn as it was raining but I don't know if i can do it. He said he mows lawns all day every day and will pass on helping me out. He had to get home.

So I did my best. But I couldn't get the whole front yard done.

Later that day, I'm on my way home from work and I get an exhausted call from her. She explains to me that she missed the instruction to move the "drive" lever forward.

She had the self-propelled lawnmower in neutral and was just pushing it to mow the lawn. She had finished most of the front lawn before she figured it out.