Monosyllabic Pedantry

Sunday, February 26, 2006

Current Events

I forgot that this is a good enough event to post.

Last friday, my mother (in Binghamton, NY) was awoken at 4 AM by a phone call.
The caller was an elderly woman, who apologized profusely for calling at that hour.
The woman said, "You need to check on "exador"*. He's in danger."

My mother asked what I was in danger from. The woman responded that, "it's his time."

My mother asked who the old lady was and she hung up.

My mother started calling me at 7 AM (I can't believe she waited that long)

I had my cell turned off because I was charging it from the night before. I don't have a land line.

At 9:30, I got an email from my sister at my work, that said, "Call your mother right NOW!!!"

I called. My mother had the cops at her house. It was the cops idea to call my sister.

My mother had told the cops that I had "EXTREME RIGHT WING VIEWS" and that I had a blog where I expressed my EXTREME RIGHT WING VIEWS".

So I get on the phone with the cop to tell him that I'm OK. He asks me if I know of anybody who would want me dead. Then he asks me if I'm involved in any sort of militia groups (thanks Mom!) I found out later that he had asked my mother if I was in the Arian Nation. My mother responded that, "No, he's not quite that bad."

I assured him that my mother is a left wing nut and not to listen to anything that she says. If I had more time to prepare, I would have told him that my mother often talked about killing the president., just for revenge.

*She knew my real name.

10 Comments:

  • I'm sorry. I don't understand. Your mom gets a mysterious phone call from an old woman and calls the cops in her own town? Who have so little to do that they come to her house to discuss your political beliefs?

    This may be the funniest thing I've heard all day, and I read your post in which you're pissed off because you don't have enough time in the day to fuck all the women you want.

    By Blogger Aunt B, at 8:02 PM  

  • What's not to understand? My mother's a leftwing nutjob; the two of you would get along great.

    Yeah, TIME is the big obstacle between me and fucking the 20-something hottie bartender.

    By Blogger Exador, at 8:06 PM  

  • That would scare the begeezuz out of me! Does your Mom have caller ID? She knew your real name!

    By Blogger Unacknowledged Genius, at 5:16 AM  

  • Time... your wife... the fact that, in order to fuck you, a woman has to have a large working area that will support your bad back and give you plenty of leg room, so as not to reinjure your ankle... minor obstacles all.

    I can teach you enough Russian to seduce her. We're required to learn it in Commie Minx school. I'll need a little something in exchange, of course, but we can work that out.

    Okay, I guess I don't get the old woman. Was this your mom's psychic? Or was this some old woman who knows you're in danger because she reads your blog and is out to get you?

    By Blogger Aunt B, at 5:24 AM  

  • I'll have you know that my back is fully recovered.
    My Wolverine-like recuprative powers will soon repair my ankle, you'll see.

    I'm guessing the old lady is some woman from my childhood Mayberry-esque neighborhood.
    She's probably (ya think?) senile. Alzheimers people do nutty stuff like that all the time.

    By Blogger Exador, at 6:30 AM  

  • Wait, wait, wait. So, your mom gets a call from a senile old lady in your neighborhood. She then tries to call you and can't get a hold of you. This leads her to call the police on you?

    I'm sorry. I just don't see how this could be any funnier.

    Maybe you should try the "wolverine-like recuperative powers" line on the bartender. Though, lord knows if you aren't any smoother with her than you're being with Plimco, I'm not sure I can help you.

    By Blogger Aunt B, at 6:34 AM  

  • What is that you're supposed to say when somebody shuts you up in an especially marvelous manner?

    Oh yeah, SNAP!

    Or,wait. Is it BURN! ?

    Whatever. Verbal sparring match:
    Aunt B: 583
    Boy Scout: 2

    By Blogger Plimco, at 11:42 AM  

  • Plimco,

    Do you need attention, Sweety?

    By Blogger Exador, at 12:03 PM  

  • No. And don't call me "Sweety", turd face.

    By Blogger Plimco, at 12:16 PM  

  • SNAP!

    BURN!

    By Blogger Exador, at 12:40 PM  

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