Monosyllabic Pedantry

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

My problem with breeders

I've written about how much it frustrates me that the anklebiters are so slow getting on the bus. Someone else apparently shares my pain, because they wrote into the Atlanta paper,

What’s with the school buses stopping at every driveway? Can’t the spoiled little curtain climbers all meet at one driveway?

This elicited a response from some dumbass parent:

Children could gather at one driveway for the school bus if we weren’t too cheap to put in sidewalks so they could walk safely on the side of the road.

This perfectly illustrates the mindset that makes so many parents unbearable.

The Entire Universe should stop and the Big Bang should be reversed before my little Camden is inconvenienced in any way.

God forbid that little Brice has to walk through his cul de sac neighborhood on the side of the road!!!
Oh, the humanity!!!!

It's bad enough that these same fetus-spouting safety nazis are behind the fact that neighborhoods are all built as cul de sacs now (we wouldn't want through traffic to endanger Brittney's bike riding), so now traffic into Atlanta is all forced onto interstates, completely fucking up a major metropolitan city. It is this mindset that causes traffic to come to a standstill all over Atlanta because every one of these SUV-driving chowderheads has to personally drive their little tax deduction to school, because GOD-ALMIGHTY FORBID that the little angels get on a bus where BAD BAD things might happen to them.

It is this mindset that says that I should always pay more in taxes. I should fund additional sidewalks, bigger schools, laptops for everyone, higher teacher pay, smaller classrooms, little league, and school lunches. It's why my local park had acres of wooded walking trails replaced by multiple little league baseball and football fields.

Because all things are essential if they're FOR THE CHILDREN.

Just like Hitler, Stalin, and Nancy Pelosi said so.

Hey, if you want kids, then pay for those kids.

So, from me to you, Mommie Dearest? Fuck You, and Fuck Camden.



  • Not to mention how completely dumbass you have to be to buy the house in a neighborhood that has no sidewalks, and then bitch about the lack of sidewalks.

    See, that's why in America we let people choose their housing without a gun to their head.

    By Blogger Kat Coble, at 11:00 PM  

  • Amen, brother. Testify!

    In honor of your glorious rant, here is a vignette from the show Scrubs:

    [a woman with her son comes over to Dr. Cox and Jordan and starts talking to their son, Jack]
    Woman: Hi, cutie! Since you have so many balls, and too many toys can be overstimulating for an infant, Brantley here was wondering if he could borrow one to play with.
    Dr. Cox: Oh, that's funny, because Jack here was just wondering why the crazy lady who just spent the last hour chain-smoking and talking on her cell phone while her kid ate sand, would come over to two complete strangers and give them parenting advice.
    Jordan: Oh, he also thanked me for not naming him Brantley.
    Dr. Cox: Yeah.

    By Anonymous Sarcastro, at 10:35 AM  

  • Zach Braff is my TV boyfriend.

    By Blogger Plimco, at 6:19 AM  

  • Hooray for scripted comedy and actual actors on TV.

    That is all.

    By Blogger Plimco, at 6:20 AM  

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