Monosyllabic Pedantry

Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Training to Kill is Expensive!

I've been meaning to get back into martial arts. I got a black belt in Oyama karate many, many (many?) years ago. I've been tossing around the idea of trying out a more grappling-oriented style, like jiu-jitsu or aikido, mostly because I'm too old and lazy to do all that cardio, but also to try something new.
I stopped by Knuckleup Fitness tonight, because they just opened a branch near my house.
It's a small place, filled with a boxing ring and about a 1000 long, heavy bags.
The place was packed with people!
The guy behind the desk looked like all those guys you see in ultimate fighting: short, muscley, buzz-cut.
When I asked the cost and schedule, he explained to me that it depends on how much training you take. Everybody comes in for an "evaluation class" where they go through the different styles and then sit down with you to decide which one is right for you. (Huh? How about I take what I want and pay you to train me?)
The basic "fitness kickboxing" is $59/month. That's no martial arts training; just fitness. From there, the price goes up, topping out at $109/month, if you want to take everything and, I guess, jump in the Octagon. I can't imagine anybody spending that kind of dough otherwise.

I had looked at an aikido school near my work, but I was shocked at the $55/month pricetag. Now, that's starting to look like a good deal.

I'm SO pissed I didn't think of this

Carbon Offsets. It's so perfect. What an ideal scam?

Liberals pretty much LIVE on guilt:

Guilt over being white
Guilt over having money
Guilt over using energy
Guilt over using the environment
Guilt over our country killing somebody

They carry it all on their shoulders, and will be more than happy to explain to you how guilty you are supposed to feel too.

Talk about low-hanging fruit for a scam.

It's as old as time: Offer up a boogyman, then provide a solution, for a small monetary contribution.

Since you have to literally live like a caveman to truly have minimal impact on the world, [and what liberal with a taste for the finer things is going to do that?] you have to have some way to assuage your guilt without infringing on your luxury.

Carbon offsets. AND the BEST PART: It's almost IMPOSSIBLE to actually VERIFY WHERE YOUR MONEY WENT!!!!

Oh sure, hippie organizations have had their hands out since the 60's to save the whales or the rainforests or whatnot, but this is so much better because it directly soothes the liberal guilt by telling them that "This money is going directly to fix the evil that you, MoonRiver, are doing to Gaia". Talk about a fool and his/her money!

Is there a Mutual fund that contains the founders of these organizations?

Allow me to introduce my new corporation, "BUY YOUR WAY INTO HEAVEN". All you have to do is pay me money and I will offset your sins by doing the Lord's Work, in your name.
I accept PayPal.


Thursday, February 22, 2007

The idiots in my county

There's a bill in the GA house that would allow communities to vote on whether they will allow beer and wine sales on Sunday.

From Today's Gwinnett county vent:

On the issue of illegals paying property taxes to cover schools, it costs $33.2 million just for the ESOL program in Gwinnett county alone. Kids in Gwinnett could be getting music/art/science on a weekly instead of monthly basis, but no gotta teach kids how to speak the language

“Public smoking and drinking on Sunday have nothing in common. If I go out and buy alcohol to drink in my own home on Sunday, your liver suffers no damage.” Well, when I go to the store to buy more smokes, I don’t endanger eveyone else on the roads.

“Religious zealots forcing their beliefs on you”? What about you forcing your NON-beliefs on ME? That door swings both ways, you know.

It’s obvious that the person who says Sunday is not a special day is not a Christian and has no regard for others who are.

Hellooooo… Drunk driving isn’t the problem. It’s a symptom. The problem is driving. Mothers Against Drunk Drivers only distract from the real issue of there being absolutely no way to go anywhere without a car, drunk or not.

Gwinnett County can spend millions on an animal shelter, but zero on a homeless shelter. As the reddest county in the reddest state, we also deserve the moniker of most selfish. Allowing homelessness to be a crime in this county is a crime against all of us. As Christians, we should all be ashamed.

Christians don’t want alcohol sold on Sunday so there’s a real incentive to go to Church: Communion Wine! Every little drops helps.

Sunday is a special day for Christians and Atheists. You go to church that day and I enjoy yardwork and have a beer afterward. Why don’t we just not get in each other’s way on our special day?

I remember growing up in Atlanta in the ’60s when NOTHING was open on Sunday. I really think it would be fun to try that again — just have one day when most everyone is off and things slow down a bit.

And, being a Christian, it’s my business that I don’t want alcohol (or anything for that matter) sold on Sunday.

We need to ban SUVs from the public roads on Sundays so the rest of us can safely go to church or run our errands.

Our country was built on Christian principles as one nation under God — which is what has made us such a great nation. Granted that has been slipping a bit lately — thanks to the agnostics and atheists and us Christians being a bit lazy. If you’re here- - and you’re free — it’s not because of the diligent efforts of the weak in faith.

We really don’t care if you have a few drinks to relax and yes we are Well aware of the scriptural references to alcohol — you’re not opening our eyes to anything new and startling. Many of us have raised kids who had a problem with being told ‘No’ — but we did it anyway and they’ve grown into fine adults. Maybe you will, too.

You wanting to buy a six pack of Bud on Sunday is way down most of our lists of give-a-hoot. If you can’t remember to pick it up on Saturday, then start to wonder where those brains cells have gone. The fact that you’re able to breed and vote worries me much more than that!

So, did anyone ever come up with a legitimate reason not to sell beer and liquor on Sunday?

Why can’t you walk or take the bus to church on Sunday? SUV owners have the right to drive on the roads any time we see fit. Deal with it.

So you think that by being a Christian you can dictate how everyone should live?

Does anyone know the IQs of Gwinnett Vent venters?

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

How's that 'No Corruption' thing going?

**This will be the most ethical congress in history.** --Nancy Pelosi

William "$90,000 in bribe money in my freezer" Jefferson is getting appointed to the Homeland Security Committee. I feel safer.
Let's not forget that this is the SAME William Jefferson who got himself a National Guard truck and troops to go to his house and rescue unknown personal items, in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. They got stuck, after loading up with his stuff, and called in a helicopter that was in the process of rescuing people from their rooftops. The congressman refused to take the helicopter (refused to leave his 'personal belongings' with the troops?) The helicopter had wasted so much time with the congressman, that it had to end its mission early to refuel. THEN they called in a second 5-ton truck to pull out the first one.

We also have that pesky "I'm going to raise the minimum wage for everybody, except the major corporation in my district".

The Igor to her Frankenstein is none-other than John Murtha. You may know him from such roles as the Abscam video, where in response to what he thought was a $50,000 Arab bribe, he responded,

"I'm not this point. [If] we do business for a while, maybe I'll be interested, maybe I won't."

Phew! Thank goodness Congress is free from corruption again!

Sunday, February 18, 2007

Repeal the 19th Amendment

I've long held that, while there are many examples to the contrary, as a general rule, the country would be better off if women could not vote.

When did the nanny state develop? Shortly after 1920. Why's it called a nanny state? Exactly!

As if we needed further evidence, I direct you to a Washington Post article, written by a self-described feminist woman, by the way.

In describing women: "they're not rational political actors -- they don't make firm policy commitments and back the candidates who will move society in the direction they want it to go. Instead, they vote on impulse, and on elusive factors such as personality."

Her survey of Washington women:

"There are some constants. Most of the women read People and Real Simple magazines. They all listen to news on the car radio, mostly National Public Radio. And almost all their full-time working husbands consume immeasurably more political information than they do ("He reads 10 times what I do," one told me), reading news magazines and political Web sites and bringing home political information from their jobs. The women gather little information from their almost exclusively female society of other stay-at-home moms."

They all said that after Clinton announced, they were "really excited." "She's been in politics a long time," a woman coincidentally named Hillary said. "She's tough as nails," added another gleefully. Jennifer, meanwhile, was won by Clinton's "combination of soft edges, as a mother and a nurturer and a strong person."

No one focused on any political agenda, policy or program. What seemed to matter to them all was character.
Jennifer contrasted herself with her husband, who, while a Democrat, was not so sure he would support Clinton. "He doesn't look at character or personality," she said. "He's very much of an issue/policy person. I look at the whole picture."
Explaining why she did not vote for George W. Bush in 2000 even though she expressed concern over taxes, Hillary said: "I just could not get past the fact that I didn't like the man."
As inattentive as they were to Clinton's policy record, they were knowledgeable about her biography. They saw her as "smart" and determined not to be just another first lady.
Their delight in seeing a woman so close to real power was palpable. Yet I couldn't escape the fact that they took in little of politics, especially compared with their husbands, that their decision-making seemed impulsive and that their response to Clinton's candidacy was driven to an amazing extent by personality.

Back to her general research:
women consistently score 10 to 20 percentage points lower than men on studies of political knowledge, regardless of their education or income level.
Studies dating to 1997 have shown that fewer women than men can name their senator, or know one First Amendment right. They even know less about the Supreme Court's decision in Roe v. Wade than men do.
Two million more men than women read either Time or Newsweek; more men listen to radio news and talk radio, read the paper and get news online. Only broadcast television news plays to more women than men, and a lot of that is TV news magazines and morning shows. Not only do fewer women read the newspaper, but almost half the women surveyed said they "sometimes do not follow international news because of excessive coverage of wars and violence."
When it comes to women who vote, the political is the personal. The Wednesday Morning women spoke passionately about Clinton's public and private travails but seemed oddly indifferent to her position on the Iraq war.
She (Clinton) has had the soap opera story of the century with that charismatic, faithless husband. This has made her suffer, something one of the Wednesday women specifically singled out as a reason to support a candidate.

The second lesson is that elections that turn on the female electorate bear an unfortunate resemblance to a popularity contest.

Atlanta's paper has an article, under the byline MOMania, which responds:
So Mothers go with the gut when Voting. Your point?

The author spins a load of crap about how women have finely honed instincts that will cut through all the political-issues-gobbledy-goop and gives them the REAL truth on the candidates.
Besides, women are just too busy caring for the family to have time to learn all that stuff.

My husband can name our senators (I could too if you gave me a minute —- two old white guys, right?), but he can't tell you which child reacts badly to which medicine.

Sunday, February 11, 2007

The world's tallest dog

This cracked me up. His name is Gibson. When he stands on his hind legs, he is more than 7 feet tall.


Exador, Home Caregiver

I'm on babysitting duty. Mrs Schwartz is a spaz. She broke her toe about a week ago when she stubbed it on the treadmill.
She was just getting beyond the hobbling stage yesterday. What a perfect time to start rough-housing with Zachary in the front yard! In slippers!
The two of them were chasing each other around a bush in the front yard. Zachary, being the stronger of the two, was able to catch her and clip her legs out from under her. She went down hard. We expect some good bruising on her hip and her boob. She also re-broke her toe.
In order to head off further injuries, I made her a hat.

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Friday, February 09, 2007

Here it comes

Look for the parallels to be drawn between Anna Nicole Smith and Marilyn Monroe.

You read it here first.

No More Radio

I won an Ipod at the company christmas party. Great invention. It holds about 1000 songs.

For christmas, I got doohicky that plugs into my truck's cigarette lighter and transmits the iPod songs over the FM radio, so you can hear it over the speakers.

The company failed to update the adaptors, so it wouldn't work with my 2nd generation iPod Nano. I emailed them, and they mailed me the adaptor, which just arrived.

It works great.

I'll never listen to the radio again. (Nor NPRs daily coverage of the Scooter Libby trial, ad nauseum)

Thursday, February 08, 2007

Stereotypes are bad, M'Kay

Sunday, February 04, 2007

Puppy Bowl III

I am so uninterested in professional sports that we are watching the PuppyBowl on Animal Planet.

So far it's been ok, although they don't appear to be playing any kind of game. Basically, it's just a bunch of puppies wrestling around in a little field, that's been done up to look like a football arena.

Mrs Schwartz is riveted to it. I'm watching Superbowl ads on Ifilm.


Saturday, February 03, 2007

"I want to take those profits"

Hillary Clinton made the following statement to the Democratic National Committee:

"The other day the oil companies reported the highest profits in the history of the world. I want to take those profits and I want to put them into a strategic energy fund that will begin to fund alternative smart energy..."

If that statement doesn't scare the hell out of you, you have no appreciation for what made this country great.

Hillary is, and always has been, a Marxist.

You would have to be intentionally ignorant to believe otherwise.

Her love of socialized medicine [converting 20% of the national economy over to government ownership] is right in line with her desire to turn the United States, ultimately, into a communist country.

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