Monosyllabic Pedantry

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

A Dog in Winter

Things aren't going so well for Montgomery. At least his flu seems to be getting better. I have been hiding his antibiotic in pieces of bread.

His "hip dysplasia"* has not resolved itself. After reading up on it, I guess I have to believe the vet. They did give him two Xrays and said they saw it there. It's just wierd. I expected it to gradually get worse, not have it hit practically overnight. When I said that to the vet-lackey, she said I was "lucky" we haven't seen signs of it earlier. Dope.

He hates moving anywhere, and only does so very slowly and carefully. He looks like he's in pain doing it. He has been staying on the couch 24/7, watching Animal Planet. I have to nudge him to get him to leave the couch to go outside or eat. He's barely eating anything. I've been hand feeding him a few pieces of food at a time. I made him go out, then put his food bowl on the first stair step. I knew he had to stop there. It worked. He ate half a bowl.

When I took him out this afternoon, he sat down in the grass and looked happy. He was like an old man on a rocking chair, just happy to sit and feel the wind and reflect. It's supposed to be nice tomorrow. I'm going to leave the backdoor open and nudge him out to the deck. Maybe he'll stay there all day.
He's a good boy. I'm going to miss him when he's gone.

Mrs Schwartz is going to be inconsolable.

*I put that in quotes because I still have my doubts.


Sunday, February 26, 2006

Current Events

I forgot that this is a good enough event to post.

Last friday, my mother (in Binghamton, NY) was awoken at 4 AM by a phone call.
The caller was an elderly woman, who apologized profusely for calling at that hour.
The woman said, "You need to check on "exador"*. He's in danger."

My mother asked what I was in danger from. The woman responded that, "it's his time."

My mother asked who the old lady was and she hung up.

My mother started calling me at 7 AM (I can't believe she waited that long)

I had my cell turned off because I was charging it from the night before. I don't have a land line.

At 9:30, I got an email from my sister at my work, that said, "Call your mother right NOW!!!"

I called. My mother had the cops at her house. It was the cops idea to call my sister.

My mother had told the cops that I had "EXTREME RIGHT WING VIEWS" and that I had a blog where I expressed my EXTREME RIGHT WING VIEWS".

So I get on the phone with the cop to tell him that I'm OK. He asks me if I know of anybody who would want me dead. Then he asks me if I'm involved in any sort of militia groups (thanks Mom!) I found out later that he had asked my mother if I was in the Arian Nation. My mother responded that, "No, he's not quite that bad."

I assured him that my mother is a left wing nut and not to listen to anything that she says. If I had more time to prepare, I would have told him that my mother often talked about killing the president., just for revenge.

*She knew my real name.

The Angry Drunk

I'm pissed off.

I'm drunk and pissed off. I don't know why. Mrs Schwartz left at about 10 this morning. I ate lunch, then slept, hugging Montgomery, until about 3:30. I woke up, then went to Home Depot, then stopped at my favorite watering hole. It turns out the place was sold to new management last week. A hot-as-balls new bartender is working. Her name is Valerie. She speaks russian. She's blond, she's wearing low-enough jeans that she has to shave "down below", she has an ass smaller than most 6-year olds. After drooling on the bar all through dinner, I came home and walked the dogs. I proceeded to twist me ankle just doing that (the booze might have helped). I passed out on the couch, woke up, yelled at the dogs, quickly realized my ankle was sprained when I put weight on it and collapsed on the floor. dragged myself to the computer.
I need to do laundry, as I have nothing to wear to work tomorrow, but fuck it. I'm going to pass out on the couch and wear something from the floor of the bedroom.

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Bush's other ideas

I'm shamelessly stealing from Iowahawk, just because it's that funny.


Washington DC - The Bush Administration today angrily defended its controversial approval of the Irish company Donnybrook Lads Ltd. to oversee security at the National Strategic Whiskey Reserve in Lynchburg, TN, vowing to veto a new House bill that would force the two-man firm to undergo federal breathalizer testing.

"During the rigorous 7 minute review process, both Seamus and Kevin gave us an express oral promise that they never touch the stuff," said White House Spokesman Scott McClelland. "Well, maybe just a wee nip at wakes, and on All Saints Day."

"Congressional postering on this issue plays into the worst anti-Irish stereotypes," added McClelland, who said that the security contract included a failsafe Designated Driver clause to keep the Irish firm away from sensitive whiskey truck keys.

"We can reassure the American people that all Strategic Whiskey Reserve transportation and driving duties will be handled by highly-skilled elderly Koreans," said McClelland.

Airport Security

Peggy Noonan has an article today, detailing what a ridiculous joke airport security is, as run by the professionalized, federalized TSA.

Or it would be a joke, if it wasn't so creepy. She makes the point that it has evolved into East Germany, 1960. I would say Germany, 1939. She calls it the dictatorship of the clerks. Apathetic TSA personnel walking up and down the long security lines, barking orders.

"I need your ID open and faced forward! No, you must put that in the bin!"
"Get your computers out. Shoes off. Jackets off. Miss, Miss, I told you, line four. No, line four."
"Keep your boarding pass in your hand at all times." (Papers! Papers!)
"Take off your sneakers!"

"The old and the very young in this line. The rest in this line."
"Leave your valuables in this pile and form a line to enter the showers. "

She tells the story of a mother with her 2-3 year old daughter. The little girl gets scared by all the adults yelling, the tension, her doll is taken away.

When Ms Noonan points out to the TSA agent that the yelling is frightening the little girl,

"We are following procedures!" said the TSA agent. Her mouth was twisted in anger.
I nodded and said softly, "I know, I'm just saying--a little gentle in your tone."
She looked at my ticket and smiled.
"You have been chosen by the computer for extra attention."

Come Vit ME!

If you've ever asked yourself, "How could the people of Germany fall under the control of the Nazis?", watch the passengers in an airport. They are systematically worn down until they, hunched over, acquiesce and go along, "just to get on the flight". Their wills are broken. They don't question the stupidity of rules that make no sense. They just go along.

Personally, I took a chapter out of Atlas Shrugged and simply refuse to use the airlines unless it's for business, which is pretty rare. When I go to visit family in upstate NY, I drive. It's a 15 hour drive, but I prefer it to succumbing to the 4th Reich.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

That didn't take long

The jackass conservatives are trying to pass a law in South Dakota that essentially bans abortion. They would only allow it if the mother's life is in jeopardy. Felony charges would be filed against any doctor that broke the law.

There currently is only one clinic in South Dakota that performs abortions, and they have to fly the doctors in from Minnesota.

The morons must have relied on CBS for their news, because they are convinced that they just have to take it to the Supreme Court and those new neocons, Roberts and Alito, will overturn Roe V Wade for them.


I heard on NPR last night that the SD law also specifies that "life begins at conception", thereby making several kinds of birth control also illegal. These would include the expected "Plan B" types like RU486, but also IUDs (does anybody still use them?).

Monday, February 20, 2006

My dogs will bankrupt me

"Asian-Flu-boy Montgomery"

Since none of you cheap bastards ponied up any dough, I'm going to have to pay for Zachary's surgery. It'll probably run over $1000. In addition to that, my other dog, Montgomery, has come down with canine flu. He's had gross stuff oozing from his eyes, ears and nose, and he's been very lethargic. Just mopey all around. When he breathes, it's more of a wheeze. Mrs Schwartz dropped him off at the vet at lunch and I picked him up after work. He had full blood work, plus two Xrays. They have to charge $52 to sedate him for the Xrays because of his size.

The final bill for him was $300.

Unfortunately, the vet talked to her before me, so things got screwed up.

Mrs Schwartz: The vet called. Montgomery has the asian bird flu.
Me: What!!??!?!?
Mrs Schwartz: Yep, that's what he said.
Me: Has there even BEEN a case in this country? Wait, he's not even a bird! He only goes out to go to the bathroom. Other than that, he's inside. How could he possibly have contracted that? It makes no sense!
Mrs Schwartz: I don't know. You talk to him about it when you pick him up, but that's what he said.

It turns out he has canine flu, which is like avian flu. (and just about every other type of flu).

They both have hip dysplasia too. Bottles of glucosamine (helps the joints) are $30 each. They last about 2 weeks.

Have I mentioned that Zachary got heartworm a couple of years back? $600.

That's it. When these two die, which may be soon if the bills keep coming in, I am going dog-less for a while.

I could have gotten such a nice kayak and the gun I wanted, for what I'm blowing here.

God, at least you can claim kids as dependents.



Undisputed Worst-President-Ever, Jimmah Carter, has chimed in once more. Consistently incable of dealing with those who preach only violence, Jimmah feels that we should continue to give millions to the Palestinians and their new government, Hamas.

Personally, I don't know why we give anything to the Palestinians, ever, or to any of the other America-hating, terrorist-loving states, like Egypt.

But Jimmah feels differently. He wants us to just give money to the humanitarian efforts. He's confident that the money won't end up funding terrorism, because Hamas will promise. He also doesn't understand that if Hamas is underfunded and neglects their own people, maybe they won't get support from those people.

Apparently this jackass is the only one in America that learned nothing from North Korea lying to him about its nuclear program.

Is it just me, or is this moron getting worse as he gets older?

Saturday, February 18, 2006

Mayor's trial and racism in Atlanta

Ex-Mayor Bill Campbell's trial continues. Currently, they are focusing on his affair with a local news anchor, Marion Brooks.

(He's married, by the way)

They went to Paris, amongst other trips. Brooks testified that the mayor paid for everything in cash. The Paris trip cost $12,000, in cash. The prosecution contends that he paid for everything in cash (from payoffs from then-city contractor United Water) to avoid a paper trail.

One of the most interesting parts of the trial is the fact that the defense team felt the need to point out that Campbell's mistress is black, like him. As you can see by her picture, that isn't obvious. They couldn't come right out and ask, so the last question they asked her was, "Ms Brooks, you say you attended college in Atlanta; which one?"

"Spelman"*, she responded.

*Spelman is an historically black college.

From: Mayor of Tall ‘Afar, Ninewa, Iraq

Col McMaster in Tall Afar with (from left to right) Mayor Najim, Col Khalid (Mosul Emergency Battalion) and BG Saba (Tall Afar Police Chief), among others.

In the Name of God the Compassionate and Merciful

To the Courageous Men and Women of the 3d Armored Cavalry Regiment, who have changed the city of Tall’ Afar from a ghost town, in which terrorists spread death and destruction, to a secure city flourishing with life.

To the lion-hearts who liberated our city from the grasp of terrorists who were beheading men, women and children in the streets for many months.

To those who spread smiles on the faces of our children, and gave us restored hope, through their personal sacrifice and brave fighting, and gave new life to the city after hopelessness darkened our days, and stole our confidence in our ability to reestablish our city.

Our city was the main base of operations for Abu Mousab Al Zarqawi. The city was completely held hostage in the hands of his henchmen. Our schools, governmental services, businesses and offices were closed. Our streets were silent, and no one dared to walk them. Our people were barricaded in their homes out of fear; death awaited them around every corner. Terrorists occupied and controlled the only hospital in the city. Their savagery reached such a level that they stuffed the corpsesof children with explosives and tossed them into the streets in order to kill grieving parents attempting to retrieve the bodies of their young. This was the situation of our city until God prepared and delivered unto them the courageous soldiers of the 3d Armored Cavalry Regiment, who liberated this city, ridding it of Zarqawi’s followers after harsh fighting, killing many terrorists, and forcing the remaining butchers to flee the city like rats to the surrounding areas, where the bravery of other 3d ACR soldiers in Sinjar, Rabiah, Zuma and Avgani finally destroyed them.

I have met many soldiers of the 3d Armored Cavalry Regiment; they are not only courageous men and women, but avenging angels sent by The God Himself to fight the evil of terrorism.

The leaders of this Regiment; COL McMaster, COL Armstrong, LTC Hickey, LTC Gibson, and LTC Reilly embody courage, strength, vision and wisdom.

Officers and soldiers alike bristle with the confidence and character of knights in a bygone era. The mission they have accomplished, by means of a unique military operation, stands among the finest military feats to date in Operation Iraqi Freedom, and truly deserves to be studied in military science. This military operation was clean, with little collateral damage, despite the ferocity of the enemy. With the skill and precision of surgeons they dealt with the terrorist cancers in the city without causing unnecessary damage.

God bless this brave Regiment; God bless the families who dedicated these brave men and women. From the bottom of our hearts we thank the families. They have given us something we will never forget. To the families of those who have given their holy blood for our land, we all bow to you in reverence and to the souls of your loved ones. Their sacrifice was not in vain. They are not dead, but alive, and their souls hovering around us every second of every minute. They will never be forgotten for giving their precious lives. They have sacrificed that which is most valuable. We see them in the smile of every child, and inevery flower growing in this land. Let America, their families, and the world be proud of their sacrifice for humanity and life.

Finally, no matter how much I write or speak about this brave Regiment, I haven’t the words to describe the courage of its officers and soldiers. I pray to God to grant happiness and health to these legendary heroes and their brave families.

Mayor of Tall ‘Afar,
Ninewa, Iraq

Muddville Gazette has the letter, as well as supporting documentation that it's not fake.

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

The picture of Hillary Clinton

" I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti."

In The Picture of Dorian Grey, Dorian begins to act on every vice, without hesitation or regret, because he has lost his soul to the painting which bears the weight of his sin.

Can one get a better example of proof that Hillary has no soul? The woman will say and do anything without hesitation or regret.

Of course, I'm talking about her latest statements about what a travesty it is that Dick Cheney didn't run to a phone to notify the media of his hunting accident.

First, I think of what I would do in his place, and telling the media about it would be on my list right below lunch the next day. You know you have to eventually tell them, because the story is going to get out, but it's not something that has any urgency at all.

The ever-narcissistic MSM are naturally indignant that all of our lives aren't centered around them.

But I digress.

The fact that Hillary was directly responsible for holding on to the story of Vince Foster for 30 hours (a story that actually does concern the American people) and then have the gall to come out and get face-time to criticize Cheney, tells me there's a mighty ugly painting stored away somewhere in an anonymous lesbian's apartment.

Notice how the MSM never brought this up when she spoonfed them their talking points.

Monday, February 13, 2006

Won't you be my neighbor?

I'm convinced that I'm turning into the crochety old man of the neighborhood. I have an ongoing feud with whomever occupies the house behind me. I think it was built on an asshole buriel ground or something. It's gone through three groups since I've lived in my house and there have been numerous confrontations with all of them, usually over dogs.
Being a dog owner, I think I'm pretty damn understanding when other peoples' dogs misbehave. I understand that dogs bark and get loose. It happens. You try and prevent it, but sometimes it happens.
Sometimes, my patience works against me because I lie in my bed and listen to the dog bark, and say to myself, outloud, "Are they fucking deaf? How can they not hear that? How can they be so inconsiderate. I've got to work in the morning!"
After an hour of winding my spring ever tighter, I snap and get dressed. Usually, something bad happens after that.
The first person who lived there left her dogs in the muddy backyard 24-7. Now the current occupants are doing the same. I already have a chip from my previous experience.
If you leave a dog alone in the backyard all of its life, it gets bored to death, as any multi-celled organism would. As surely as night follows day, that dog will start barking at anything, including itself just to remember that it's alive.
I can not go into my front or back yard without my neighbor's dogs running to the fence and barking at me, generally THE WHOLE FUCKING TIME I'm out there. This wears on my patience considerably.
Tonight, I was taking out my trash and the 5 cases of empty beer bottles from Superbowl weekend. The whole time, there was PeeDee barking his fool head off at me. Finally, I snapped and yelled, "All right PeeDee. I get it. Shut Up!"
Then I heard my neighbor calling the dogs into the house, with a tone that told me that she heard me and didn't want to talk to me about it.
They've lived there 6 months, and I've only had to yell at them one previous time, which is doing well. I think this time it might work.

Friday, February 10, 2006

Europe, the beaten wife

It has occurred to me recently that there are alot of similarities between the relationship between radical islam and Europe, and an abusive spousal relationship.

Think about it. Islam constantly talks down to Europe. It abuses and belittles everything that Europe holds dear, but becomes violently indignant whenever Europe shows the least bit of uppittiness, and smacks Europe down at talking back.

It starts with the little things. The abuser insists that the submissive wear a beeper at all times, "so I can check up on you". Then she needs to cut her hair. Stop dressing "so slutty".
Islam insists that McDonalds removes its ice cream because it looks like the symbol for Allah. You can't have a pig in a town square in England because pork is "offensive". Pork is no longer served in public schools. A bank stops giving out piggy banks.

At first, the little things are so inconsequential, that the wife doesn't mind doing them, especially when it seems so important to him.

Gradually, the tasks get bigger and bigger. Stop seeing your friends. The belittling continues. Whenever she starts to speak up, his reaction is so angry and over the top, that she stops confronting him.

There are riots in France. The leaders tolerate the violence, explaining that they understand the woes of the abusers.

A year later there are riots all over Europe. People die. Islam comes right out and proclaims, "Europe, your 911 is coming." "I will kill you if you try to leave."

Europe responds: "We're sorry we offended your religion. We deserve it. We won't do it again. Just please don't be mad at us anymore."

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Old Politicians and New Media

Powerline blog has a great post. Paul Mirengoff is a blogger for them, and apparently also a top-notch lawyer. He got into a press conference where the usual morons in congress were running their usual "We give you talking points that you repeat without question because we're all democrats".

It's been described as a watershed moment in media. I can't do it justice, so I'll just post it, with some of my own colorful emphasis. By the way, CNN headline news made no mention of it before I left for work this morning. I guess there wasn't time, what with that big story about Brittney Spears carrying her baby without a carseat.

February 06, 2006
Scooped by my own partner

[Ted] Kennedy was rehearsing his current talking point that the administration has impaired our security by operating behind the back of Congress. His line was that if only the president had informed Congress about the program, Congress would have asked the right questions and the end product would have been a bullet proof surveillance program instead of one that (in Kennedy's view) is in trouble. I reminded Senator Kennedy that the administration had informed key members of the Intelligence Committee, and no one had raised any questions. Kennedy responded that the administration only told committee members it had picked. Before I could respond that the administration "picked" the leader and ranking member of the Senate and House committees as well Senate and House leaders from both parties, Kennedy was gone, replaced at the microphone by Senator Durbin.
Durbin presented the usual Democratic line, which assumes that the the intercept program violates FISA and proceeds from there. I pointed out that the Attorney General had just explained how FISA contains an exception for surveillance authorized by another act of Congress, and that (in Gonzales' view) the congressional authorization of force (AUMF), by authorizing all means necessary to prevent another attack, provides authorization independent of FISA for the administration to listen to al Qaeda calls into the U.S. Durbin allowed that I had accurately recited the Attorney General's argument.
I then asked why, if the Democrats disagree with the administration's understanding of what AUMF authorizes, they don't present clarifying legislation telling the administration that its interpretation is incorrect. This would enable the Senate to vote on whether it thinks listening to calls from al Qaeda to the U.S. is a necessary and proper measure to prevent another attack.
Apparently peeved at the thought of having to vote on that issue, Senator Durbin asked what organization I was with. I told him I was respresenting Power Line and Pajamas Media. Durbin said he wasn't familiar with this group, and then proceeded to address my question. His answer was (I quote from memory) that "this is not how things work" and that (if I understood him correctly) the issue is whether the president's actions are constitutional.
I attempted to follow-up by noting that if the administration is right about the interplay of FISA and AUMF, there is no serious constitutional question because the president is acting with the permission of Congress. Durbin made it clear, however, that questioning was over. His parting shot was that he would try to check out what I write for "Pajama Line." My parting shot, that Dan Rather knew something about the outfit, drew laughter. Afterwards, Debra Burlingame, sister of the captain of American Airlines flight 77 and a strong proponent of the NSA surveillance program, complimented me on my questioning.
If this is what reporters get to do regularly, I may have made a bad career choice.

Mark Tapscott adds:
Capitol Hill is buzzing with talk of a news conference earlier today in which Powerline's Paul Mirengoff was pushing some hard questions at Sen. Teddy Kennedy, D-MA, and Sen. Richard Durbin, D-IL, about the NSA's anti-terrorist international "eavesdropping" program.
Kennedy apparently got flustered with Mirengoff, so Durbin started fielding the questions and himself became increasingly flustered.

There's a time and a place

"How can I blame her death on the white devils?"

"What you need to do first, is grow some balls. "

Do I need to point out what a tasteless, no class buffoon Joseph Lowery is? Isn't it obvious? This guy took one too many nightsticks to the head back in the 60's.

Jimmy Carter has cemented his legacy as a jackass as well, just when we all thought he couldn't sink lower than his presidency.

Best quote: Sadly, they don't have the class to understand that they should be ashamed.

Monday, February 06, 2006

Share the love


EgyptianSandMonkey points out that all if the original "offending" cartoons were published in an Egyptian newspaper back in October 2005, during the height of Ramadan, and nobody seemed to care. No protests, no riots, nothing.

AGAIN, are the morons really just being whipped up by "leaders" with an agenda against the west. It's pretty obviously, Yes.

It's also been coming out from various sources, that there really isn't any prohibition against creating images of Mo. I think this depends on the flavor of Islam.


This site has the finest collection of mohammed-mocking illustrations that I've seen so far. Apparently, all the outraged purveyors of the religion of peace didn't realize that, while the world's politicians will pussyfoot around, the regular internet users (like me) will just be encouraged to say "Fuck You" all the more.

By the way, I was just reading about how all the protests around the world involve the burning of Danish flags. How did they get all these Danish flags in Camelcrotch, Afghanistan unless an organized effort was put forth beforehand. Hmmmm.....

Update from the BBC, in Afghanistan:

"They want to test our feelings," protester Mawli Abdul Qahar Abu Israra told the BBC.
"They want to know whether Muslims are extremists or not. Death to them and to their newspapers," he said.

Thanks, Mawli, why would we ever think you're an extremist? We'll be sure to bring death to the newspaper as soon as we figure out how to kill it.

Thursday, February 02, 2006

You may now sue everybody

This moron is actually suing Apple because you can hurt your hearing by turning your Ipod up too high. That is, if you're too stupid to know that it's up too high. What a jackass. This opens up many money making opportunities.

Sue every maker of car, home and portable music devices.
Sue every car maker for selling cars that go too fast.
Sue every light, flashlight and lightbulb maker for selling something that will hurt your vision.
Sue every maker of every kind of food.
Sue your HVAC maker for making a unit that can make your house too hot or too cold.
Sue every maker of every kind of chemical.

Fuck it. Everybody sue everybody.

Sadly, the Ipods already have an idiot sticker, that says "permanent hearing loss may occur if earphones or headphones are used at high volume."

The sickest part is that pussyville, aka France, has already passed a law that limits the Ipods to 100 dBs. For me, that's WAY too loud, but what if you already have a hearing disability and you need 120 dBs to hear anything?

counter stats