I’m really tired of having politicians who are complete fucking nerds. American politicians used to be so cool. Andrew Jackson killed at least 13 people in duels and when an attempted assassin walked up to him with a gun in each hand, Jackson nearly beat him to death with a stick. George Washington was a fucking giant, and Indians called him the “Devourer of Villages.” Theodore Roosevelt carried a gun at all times, boxed and practiced jiu jitsu, and by that I mean while he was President, inside the White House. Why jiu jitsu? Well because it’s “meant for practice in killing or disabling our adversary” of course, or at least that’s what the dangerous lunatic wrote in this letter.

Flash forward to today and Al Gore can’t even attempt to get a handjob without fucking it up beyond all comprehension. What are the odds he can even throw a football without looking like a complete queer. God this is so humiliating.

h/t Here