A dash of color

I took, and passed, my orange belt test on Wednesday. At least I finally got out of that damn white belt. The only person newer than me at the aikido school has left after getting knocked up. So I'm, once again, the low man on the totem pole. At least I now have something to wear to UT games, or deer hunting.

Be Careful out there

Arachnidrama

The saga continues.

Yesterday, I'm standing in my underwear, in front of the bathroom mirror, shaving.

Mrs Schwartz leaves for work, then immediately returns and stands at the bottom of the stairs.

Mrs Schwartz: He's out there again, only now he has a web strung between our cars, and it's on my driver's side.

Exador: Why don't you just climb into the passenger side?

{Editor's note: My regular readers know that she won't go for this idea, because then the spider will ride with her to her work. Then he'll know where she lives AND works}

Mrs Schwartz: I can't. I'm wearing a skirt.

Exador: Well, I'm in my underwear.

Mrs Schwartz: Pleeeeeaaaasse.

So, I throw on jeans, grab a broom, and whisk away the spider.

Mrs Schwartz: Thank You. You're my Hero.

Fast forward to this morning. I am again shaving in front of the mirror, only now I don't even have the underwear.

Mrs Schwartz: I can't go out there first. Can you go out and make sure they're {Now it's plural?} not waiting for me?

Exador: Get bent. I'm naked.

Mrs Schwartz: Pleeeaaaase. I can't go. Just put a robe on.

So I put a robe on and go out front and patrol the path from my door to her car. No spiders.

Mercs in Blue

I was on my way home. It was about 9:45 Wednesday night. As I passed by the big Korean church, there was a policeman, hired by the church for traffic control. He was at the entrance to their parking lot, not out in traffic. As I passed, he pointed his flashlight at me and did the "waving the open hand up and down" signal to slow down. I looked at my speed, and was doing 47 in a 45 zone. Apparently, this officer felt that I was going too fast, considering that his masters were fucking up the traffic pattern.

Well, ya know what officer? Fuck You.

I have a real problem with the idea of taking the authority that is imbued in the uniform of a police officer, and whoring it out for personal use.

This includes any use of a police officer, in uniform, for non-governmental work. I've seen them working as bouncers, and fucking up traffic.

Guess what? I didn't tell you to put your business in a location that makes it impossible to get out of the parking lot. You have no right to hire a cop, to come out and stop traffic, so that you can.

It's just wrong. It smacks of conflict of interest.

Don't even start with me about the cops needing extra money. Whatever. That's beside the point.

We had a story a few years ago, here in Atlanta. Some Fulton County cop was working as a bouncer at a bar. Some guy phoned in an order for food to go. When he arrived to pick up his food, the cop gave him shit about paying the cover or whatnot. They get into a confrontation. The cop ends up womping the guy repeatedly in the knee with his cop-baton. (against training, by the way) If you've ever felt a cop baton, you know that is a serious thing. The guy's knee was basically shattered.
The guy ended up suing the county. The cop got fired and I'm sure the guy got some well-deserved money.

My point is this: The cop is not approaching the situation from a neutral viewpoint. He is, by definition, biased in favor of the guy paying his salary.

That is a mercenary.

My Very Own Goofball

Marriage can be difficult. Case in point:

Like most commuters, I have my commute-time down to the minute. This morning, I was getting ready to leave the house, when I discovered that I could not find my keys. I started searching. This eventually evolved into tearing the house apart, because I really can not find my keys. It's getting late. I have an emergency truck key and an emergency key to the back door, so I put those together, and lead Zachary out the back door and around the house.

My keys are sitting on a garbage can in the driveway.

That's wierd. How the hell did they get there? Now I'm late, AND because my schedule is off, I get stuck behind the schoolbus that has to stop at every fucking house because the little darlings can't be expected to congregate at a bus stop for heaven's sake.
No sooner do I hit the intererstate, then my phone rings.

Mrs Schwartz: Where have you been? I've been trying to call you all morning.
Exador: My phone was in my truck.
Mrs Schwartz: Did you find your keys?
Exador: Yes, after I tore the house apart. How did they get in the driveway?
Mrs Schwartz: That spider moved his web from the front of the bush to right by the steps.
Exador:What?!
Mrs Schwartz: I accidentally took your keys with mine to my car, but I couldn't go back because the spider was there by the door and he'd get me.
Exador: You somehow made it past him to get to the driveway.
Mrs Schwartz: Yes, but I held my purse out in front of me, and on the way back I would have had to look at him in all eight of his eyes.
Exador: I'm going to kill you.
Mrs Schwartz: I looooovvve youuuuuu.

Fun with TB

From the Washington Post

But I thought illegals weren't harming anyone

Atlanta's downtown hospital, called Grady, is in financhial trouble. It's so bad that they are being forced to cut out some of their services.
Grady is one of few hospitals that provide outpatient dialysis. Or at least they used to. They have decided to shut down the dialysis program because they can't fund it. Unfortunately, they are overwhelmed with non-paying patients. In fact, their report states,

"The large growth in patients has led to a system that is overworked," the report says.

31 percent of the patients are illegal aliens. What are the chances that, if these 31 percent were taken out of the equation, the remaining 69 percent of the patients would still be able to get care?

There's talk that the hospital may close completely. Grady officials announced last week the hospital is on course for the highest deficit in history, upward of $55 million in a budget of about $730 million.

I ask the internet for fashion advice

Mrs Schwartz bought a sweatsuit. She asked me what I thought of it. I told her I thought it looked a little bit redneck and a little bit ghetto. It has a fuzzy texture.

Who's right?

What does San Fransisco think of this?

I'm wondering what the bleeding heart liberals think of the "Hunters for the Hungry" nationwide campaign.

On the one hand, they're feeding the homeless; a sacred cow of the liberal left.

On the other hand, they're killing poor, defenseless animals, and with GUNS, for Gaia's sake!

Temptation, thy name is Almond Joy

The owner of the company where I work, once told me the story of when he was trying to get the company started. He had his kids doing wiring on the kitchen table, and he and the other couple of employees often didn't have enough money for lunch. Now that things have grown, he goes to Sam's Club every few weeks to stock the break room with different snacks. We get everything from trail mix to ice cream cones; just whatever mood hits him. This last run, they got a big bag of snack-pack candies, like you give out for Halloween. I've been popping those things like tic tacs all week.

Mmmmmm